


Can I Catch a Break?

by Intergalactic_Octopus



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: A prompt from tumblr that took me too goddamn long, Awkward Dates, Fluff, M/M, Three's A Crowd - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 02:27:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11004072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Intergalactic_Octopus/pseuds/Intergalactic_Octopus
Summary: Zevran's in a quest to impress his boyfriend, Theo Mahariel, tries to set up a picnic for the two. But because of his terrible, awful, and wonderful feelings for the beautiful man that is the Warden, he has the hardest time getting this date of his launched off the ground.





	Can I Catch a Break?

**Author's Note:**

> A prompt from [Scawlingcomet ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrawlingcomet) Thank you even though I took too long!
> 
> Just a fun fluff piece of Zevran gushing over my warden Theo.  
> Check out my art blog at [Theo Mahariel](http://8-legs.tumblr.com/tagged/Theo%20Mahariel) for the few pictures I have drawn of this handsome fella.

Zevran peeled the broken skin around his thumb nail and wondered how he allowed his hands to get so dry over the course of their travels. It was much better than letting his mind drift and watch the mouth of the camp site for signs of movement. 

On his back like a sick lizard, he waited, his head poking out of his tent and waited for someone to step around the bend. 

Well not someone. Just Theo. The Grey Warden who he’d once been hired to murder and now was moping and swooning for. It was wild how life could turn on its head completely and truly. 

Like now. 

The sight was ridiculous; he knew in his heart. Everyone could see his blonde head poking out of the tent’s fabric, hair fanned out across his bed roll like he was part of some cheap magic trick and his body was elsewhere being productive.

A head sighing loudly every time the bushes and brush so much as twitched in the wind and it wasn’t Theo. 

To be fair though; this was better than earlier in the day.

Before he paced back and forth, just long enough to leave a groove in the dirt and grass beneath his feet. That was when the sun was high in the sky and sweat pooled down his neck from the fidgety movements. Zevran only stopped when Wynne complained that watching him fret like a house wife was making her ill. 

“I have been known to have a healing touch, if you would allow me, of course.” Zevran winked playfully, earning him a deserved groan from Wynne. 

Still, he chewed his lip and knew she wasn’t far from the truth. Zevran retreated into his tent and huffed and groaned and flipped around on his bedding. First he blamed it on rocks. Then on moles under the camp. And then he blamed Theo’s mabari for not taking care of the mole problem. But he realized that it was just because he was unable to find comfort in his momentary separation from Theo. 

Theo Mahariel. There was no way someone so wonderful came out of the woods, depriving the population of that face. Beautiful dark skin not unlike the comforting Antivan leather of his home, settled himself deeper in Zevran than any knife could. And, not unlike a knife, when removed Theo’s absence destroyed his insides in surprising fun ways. 

Zevran knew he acted strange around Theo. It was easier when things were just sex. All he had to do was pull at Theo’s sunset orange braid and drink in the sight of the Warden’s toned muscles ripple under his skin in pleasure. It was all supposed to be fun and a momentary pleasure to escape the problems that blighted world. 

Not so much now. 

No no. Now it wasn’t just Theo’s body that drove him wild. It was his terrible mischievous smile, the one he got right before battle. Or the way he allowed every Dalish child to latch themselves to every one of his extremities and drag them around in the grass with all his strength. Wait! No! The worst was when Theo thought no one was watching at night and stared up at the stars in the dark. The moon illumined his features and the unbridled peace on his face, the comfort he found in the cosmos was breathtaking. 

Not only did Zevran want to roll around on a bedroll with Theo, he wanted to whisk him away to a homey cabin that smelled like fresh bread and spicy meat stew. A terribly mushy domestic daydream that made his skin vibrate with the need to run. 

But of course, he wasn’t running. He was waiting. And waited more. The cicada screamed around the camp with the sky violet and an assassin sighing dramatically on the ground. Even worst he was not running with a basket inside his tent for himself and Theo to have a picnic, whenever he returned.

Zevran rolled around like an otter with a loud anguished groan until he was on his stomach, face first in his bed roll. 

“No…” The ground muffled his voice. 

“Yes!” His heart pattered and filled his stomach with flutters. Zevran groaned louder as if he could scare the butterflies in his gut away but that was a lost cause he came to realize. All it did was make his ears and neck warm and his stomach twist and churn like he was about to throw up. 

Maybe it was just a bug? Yes. Who knows what vile illnesses they carried in with all the old treasure and blood covered bric-a-brac Theo dragged back to camp. 

Just a delirious romantic day dream and a stomach ache sounded like illness. What else could it be?

Love perhaps but thinking of it just made him even sicker. 

“Boof.” Rock, Theo’s mabari, plotted over to Zevran and sniffed the top of his head. 

Of course she is here, Zevran thought. I am making a horse’s rear end of myself. It was a wonder the rest of the camp hadn’t encircled him to gawk at his nonsense. Unlike him though, everyone who hadn’t gone with Theo had more important things to do than be dramatic in the dirt.

“Hello dear.” Zevran responded flatly, “I am alright. It is just my nerves.” 

She gave her own response by putting her massive paw on the back of his head. Almost like she was patting his head in pity. 

Her weight pressed his face so far down in his bedding though that he could hardly breathe.

Yes! Let me suffocate. Then I will not have to present this picnic basket AND I will not be sick! 

But Rock didn’t grant him release. She instead removed her paw, allowing him to breathe once again and laid down beside him, her head bumping against his. 

“Useless mongrel.” Zevran groaned and she barked into his ear, loud enough for it to ring momentarily. “Yes, I believe I deserved that.” 

The sky turned from purple to black, stars speckling the sky and Theo and company till hadn’t returned. Denerim was only so big, what was keeping them?

“I should have gone.” Zevran mumbled to himself, on his stomach again, cheek to cheek with Rock. 

She let out a loud huff, blowing dust under her jowls and on to his face. 

“No, you are correct.” Zevran responded to the dog as if she’d actually said words. Mabari were smart after all. That’s what Fereldans bred the slobbering war beasts for. Still, it was awfully silly to talk to one as if they could offer advice. 

“I should not be so nervous. It is a simple picnic. I am not asking for his hand in marriage.” Silly as it was it didn’t stop him from talking to the dog. 

Rock replied with a low affirmative bark. 

“Besides, Theo will love a picnic.” Zevran nerves steeled, sitting up on his elbows confidently. “I mean, I myself am not one for all the nature and the grass but he will love it, yes?” 

Rock lifted her head, for a moment he was sure she was going to speak real people words but she only licked the side of his face. 

“Yes, insightful, thank you.” Zevran roughly cleaned his face with the back of his hand and laid back down on his roll. 

Before he could ask more questions to the dog she bounded off, barking and jumping in the direction of the camp front. If not for his pride he could see himself doing the same. 

Sten and Alistar came around the bend first, followed by Oghren dragging his ax across the ground, cutting the dirt as he went along. 

And then there was Theo.

Maybe it was the full day of pining but the Dalish young man never looked so handsome. Sure, he was covered in gore and blood from the top of his head to the soles of his feet. And he was dragging behind a bag of what was surely stolen armor and treasure like some oversize feline dragging its fresh kill up a tree for safe keeping. An outsider looking at Theo would probably see a wild man, a blood thirty elf with no remorse. There were times when that description fit like a well-tailored glove. 

Then moonlight caught the glitch of his eyes and a flash of a wide grin and all the flutters that Zevran chased away returned in an instant with full force. 

“Ma Vhenan, what are you doing on the ground?” Theo loomed over him, tossing his bag of treasures near the fire to go through later perhaps. 

Ma Vhenan!? Zevran knew very little elvish but he knew that affectionate pet name. The sound of it made his chest hurt and he almost grabbed at his chest dramatically. Only the fact that he’d look more of a fool doing so kept his hands still. 

“I was watching the fire. The flames looked like a beautiful buxom woman dancing seductively if you squint hard enough.” Zevran lied and Theo laugh loudly, deep in his gut. The fire’s light caught the single gold earring on Theo’s ear and it twinkled like a star against his blood caked skin. 

Let me die. Maker this is too much. 

“When I get back from washing off all this shem blood, I’ll watch it with you.” Theo grinned, peeling off his armor piece by piece until he was in his plain clothes. 

“I shall await your return.” Zevran smiled up at him, his leg shaking behind the cover of the tent. “So Theo, I was wonder-“

“Sten!” Theo hollered, his attention now on the Quanri, who too was in his plain clothes, and a bucket under his arm. “Are you taking a bath with me?”

“I plan to simply take a bath, Kadan. Your presences is welcome but I’d intended to go long before you.” Sten cast one of his famous flat glares at Theo but even that was filled with affection.

How could Sten, who was only knocked down from the pedestal of “Most Statue Like Person” by an actual rock golem, so easily show Theo affection while Zevran felt like he was going to die just looking at him?

“Don’t be like that big guy.” Theo scrambled around the camp site until he found a bucket and a cloth of his own. “I’m coming too; wait for me.” 

“You know your way to the river.” Sten paid no mind to Theo’s dramatics and disappeared into the woods. 

“Wait!” Theo called out, springing off in Sten’s direction but turned on his heels quickly and ran back to Zevran. He jogged in place like an impatient child, and looked down at Zevran. “You were saying something and I started yelling. I was rude, Ma Vhenan.”

“It is quite alright, I assure you.” Part of Zevran wanted to be enamored Theo even noticed but he also hoped the Warden heard nothing and leave him to his dramatics a moment longer. Now that Theo was standing before him, his nerve to ask had long since dashed away. 

“No no. Talk please. I’ll even sit.” Theo plopped to the ground so quickly and hard that Zevran’s jaw shook from the impact. Whatever was said about elves being light and dainty were all lies when presented with the Theo. He was a man who made an elephant ballroom dancing look graceful and delicate. 

“Always the gentleman.” Zevran laughed though it came out more like a nervous chuckle. Finally he stopped being a child, a murder child but still a child, and he got off the ground and sat cross legged in front of him. 

“Only with you, Ma Vhenan.” Theo took Zevran’s hands and gave them a tight squeeze. 

No doubt about it now. Andraste was going to come down and pull Zevran into her hopefully ample bosom. Theo was out to murder one more person before the sun came out. 

“How do you feel about picnics?” Zevran finally asked. No way he was going to show Theo that his cool exterior could be cracked for a second time. 

“You mean like eating outside. Don’t we do that now?” 

Touché. 

“No, not like that. I had something more picturesque in mind. Somewhere in the woods, possibly by the water?” 

“Oh! Like an after-bath meal?” No. “Yes those are great! You, Sten and I can eat by the river.” No. No Theo no. 

“Yes! Just like that. How about I bring something down in a few, we’ll all eat together.” One day the maker would strike his coward’s heart down. He hoped, preferably, in the near and present future. 

“You’re fantastic. I’ll see you soon.” Theo planted a strong kiss on Zevran’s cheek and trotted off after Sten and disappeared past the tree line in a flash. 

Rock pressed her big body against Zevran and gave her the most judgmental look a dog could muster with their limited facial expressions. No no. He already felt terrible about himself, there was no way he was going to let a slobbering dog that ate her own vomit more times than he could count judge him as well. 

Or she just wanted the food he was talking about. Either or. 

Zevran gathered some of the food that hadn’t been thrown into the night’s stew into his pre-prepared basket. Some bread, a bit of cheese and dried meat as well as some pastries he knew Theo adored. There was also a bottle of wine but that was already there from when he set the whole thing up. 

On his way after Theo and Sten, Wynne called out to him. 

“Are you alright? You look ill.” It wasn’t concern, she was poking fun. She even punctuated her question with a light chuckle. 

“Much better with you are in my life.” He waved as nonchalantly as his nervous muscles could muster and disappeared into the tree line. Rock not far behind. 

The trip to the river was short considering the deceptive thicket of trees. When they cleared, and was in full view of the river the first thing he saw was Theo. Naked as a jay bird and perched on a low hanging branch liked one. He kicked his long legs back and forth and his orange hair draped across his shoulders and back like spun silk.

Some rich noble would pay good coin for a painting of this scene. A beautiful naked elf, dark skin illumined by moon and stars and the water reflecting the light back on his feet and legs. He was watching the sky again, a smile on his lips so peaceful considering moments before he was caked in blood that wasn’t his. 

Rock barreled into the water, leaping into the river and splashing everyone in the area. 

“Emm’asha!” Theo laughed in delight, grabbing on to the branch and falling backwards into the water after her. He disappeared under the water but the orange blob of his hair could be seen from the surface, tracking his movements to his faithful hound. 

Rock paddled around him playfully until he finally emerged, wrapping his strong arms around her neck and kissing the top of her big head and splashing about with her. 

A noble would have paid good money to paint this scene. They would have spent all the money in the world to make it their own, encased in gold and glass. But Zevran, for all the small pleasures he enjoyed in this world, got to enjoy these moments of pure joy amongst the Blight for free. 

“Theo!” Zevran finally called, worried he’d lose his nerve if he stood in silence any longer. 

“Come in! The water is great!” Theo called out, paddling to the deeper parts of the river at the center, laying on his back while Rock, mouth open not unlike a crocodile, waded water around him like a big red log. 

“Another time perhaps.” Zevran turned his back to Theo and laid out the blanket and basket. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go. No, he would have loved to enjoy the pure bliss Theo was enjoying in the water, in the nude. But they were not far from Sten, stoic as ever, scrubbing off blood and sweat from his neck. If his intensions were pure and chaste he could easily follow Theo into the river. But what he was thinking of saying, and doing were not meant for voyeur eyes. 

“Spoil sport.” Theo called but his voice was closer. Zevran turned to see him climbing out of the water, Rock not far behind. He grabbed his clean pants from a near hanging branch and threw them on quickly. He grabbed a twig from the same branch and used it to twist his long hair into wet bun. 

Zevran caught himself swooning at the sight but quickly turned his attention back to setting up the picnic.

“Sten! Food’s here!” Theo yelled, despite the fact Sten wasn’t more than twenty feet and could clearly see the happenings. 

Zevran clasped his teeth to keep from saying something sarcastic because he knew it was his own fault this became a group picnic instead of something more intimate. 

Sten repeated the same process. New fresh pants though he had the courtesy to throw on a shirt as well, pinning his normally braided hair to the back of his head before making his way over to the picnic blanket. 

“Wine?” Zevran asked, pulling out the bottle and uncorking it. 

“Yes please.” Theo said, already going through the spread that Zevran placed out. Predictably, there were only cakes in his hands. 

“And you?” Zevran turned to Sten he was chewing on bread and watching the water. 

“No.” He replied, shoving the rest of the bread in his mouth and reached down for something else. This time cheese and a chocolate tart. 

“Suit yourself.” Zevran said as nonchalantly as possible though he was grateful for his no. When he looked in the basket there were only two glasses in it. He hadn’t brought more because he hadn’t planned for company. 

He poured two full glasses of deep red wine and passed one over to Theo who’s cheeks were full like a squirrel with food already. He downed half of his drink to wash down the cake in his mouth and sighed contently into the into the warm night air. 

“Thank you for this.” Theo smiled and leaned over to kissed Zevran on the cheek. And his heart skipped so fast he was sure he’d been poisoned. 

“You are most welcome.” He tried to maintain his cool exterior as much as possible. Mostly because Sten was around but also because the idea was terrifying. There were many four letter words in his vocabulary but “Fuck” was easier to find that “Love”. But there was no other words to describe his feelings for Theo that would do the Warden justice. 

It wasn’t lust. Not anymore. It wasn’t admiration. It wasn’t friendship. The list of what wasn’t went on for ages, until the scroll within in heart of “nots” took up so much space, he felt like he was going to burst from the pressure. 

“Ma Vehallen are you okay?” Theo asked, and Zevran noticed he zoned out for a smooth awkward moment. Not eating or drinking or even speaking. He’d been starting at his glass in thought. Could this day get any more embarrassing? 

“I assure you I am just fine.” Zevran said and Theo’s ears drooped with suspicion. 

“I don’t believe you.” His brows pinched and he leaned in closer. Theo’s lips were far too close to not want to kiss him. “Are you feeling sick? Should I call Wynne?” 

No. Please no. I don’t need more people around. Zevran thought but didn’t say, because vulnerably was a lost art to him. He only stared at Theo’s chin, unable to stare into his eyes.

“Kadan.” Sten finally spoke, standing up from the blanket, but grabbed a cake before fully upright. “I may not know much about your people’s ways but even I can see you are thicker than dragon’s skin.” With a snap of his fingers, he called Rock and disappeared into the woods. Back to the camp presumably but knowing Sten, it was impossible to know where he was going until he was there. 

“What I do?” Theo turned his head to yell at Sten but face was caught between Zevran’s fingers, pinching his lips into a pucker. “Yesh?”

“I am not sick.” Zevran stated firmly, the weight of observation off his chest. “But I have been making a fool of myself.” 

“Really?” Theo shook his face free and looked around at the picnic and the at the water then back at Zevran. A beautiful fellow, the path was there but he just wasn’t connecting the dots. “But you made this nice picnic for us.” 

“Yes. For us.” Zevran nodded, he needed Theo to say it because he couldn’t. There was no trust left in himself that he could speak the truth. 

“For us. Yes.” Theo said sternly, unsure what Zevran needed. He repeated the words over again. “For us. For us…” 

“Oh.” Theo blinked, a fog lifted from his thoughts. “Ma Vhallen this was for us. Just you and I. I am thicker than dragon skin.” He laughed and laughed some more. And then he hugged Zevran, held him close and squeezed him until his joints and muscles pleasantly ached. 

“It is alright.” Zevran said calmly thought his insides were jittering in every direction possible. He also needed Theo too squeeze him tighter. 

“No. I made a mistake. I keep fucking forgetting love isn’t easy for you. By the Dread Wolf, I’m a terrible boyfriend.” Theo held him close, smoothing Zevran’s hair down and his face into his neck. Every butterfly that Zevran felt seemed to just fly away at that point. 

“You are far from terrible. You could have tried to stab me. That would be terrible.” Zevran grinned and Theo laughed again, the vibration coming from Theo’s chest was soothing. 

“I would never.” Theo planted pecks across Zevran’s face until his lips were chapped. And then Zevran almost panicked from the attention. 

“I know I know, please though.” Zevran pulled away, not roughly to show rejection but just enough to give him space to speak. “It’s alright. Next time I should have said it more upfront.” 

“Just knock me over the head, Ma Vhellan.” Theo smile, leaning back into the blanket and tossing a grape into his mouth. “So.” Sudden seduction in his voice. 

Oh?

“So?” Zevran leaning into his words. 

“Are we still on the celibacy thing or?” Theo grinned, the mischievous cat that he was. 

Zevran glanced over the perfect form that was the Warden Theo, Gods formed and sent. Never had he been so glad to fail on a job in his life in the Crows. He would throw it all away for him. No, scratch that. He did throw it all away, his past was forfeit and his future was in the hands of this Dalish man. And all he wanted was those hands all over every part of his body.

“Not if you do not want to be.” Zevran grinned, his heart beat thumping in every part of his body. Head to toe but absolutely between his thighs. 

Theo didn’t answer, simply inclined his head up and drew Zevran in closer and down on top of him. 

“Was this a good date idea though?” Zevran asked, pushing Theo’s hair from his face. 

“Of course, but next time let’s rob a noble and have dinner in their dining room.” Theo smirked and Zevran couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Yes! That sounds a lot better than this.” Zevran pressed his lips into Theo’s, and pressed his body down until Theo's back rested against the river shore.


End file.
